


In the sunbeams of your embrace, I find home

by thebluerain



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Childhood Friends, Feelings Realization, First Love, Friends to Lovers, Jeno's POV, M/M, Mutual Pining, Poetry, Soulmate AU if you squint, Summer Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:13:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25137481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebluerain/pseuds/thebluerain
Summary: A feeling was blooming somewhere along with their oblivious hearts and innocent sentiments. Love made its way to snuggle between the space of their shoulders, where they leaned their heads against each other, and found home in the deepest part of their hearts where the warmth and familiarity engulfed every piece of what they seemed to lose, where they felt emptiness and there was a crevice in between what they tried so hard to deem, and in the jumble of knots of their feelings, weaving the strings to fill the cracks and deciphering every emotion, when their eyes met, a soft whisper was calling;I will be your home.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	In the sunbeams of your embrace, I find home

**In the sunbeams of your embrace, I find home**

_“Somewhere along the place where our hearts lie, the sun is dazzling and the light drapes over your figure. When I look back, your smile illuminates this road, and this journey leads our fingers intertwined – I’m coming home to you.”_

The lambent sunlight glinted on the surface of the stream, glistening with the sparks of the summer’s sun. The dews dropped from the edge of the green grass, the smell of the summer filled one’s sense, and looming above the shards of whitish amid the azure sky. The breeze was dancing along with the falling leaves, swaying the locks of hair of those who stayed under the warm embrace of the summer. Jeno was lying on Jaemin’s lap, telling a story of his three cats that seemed to play hide-and-seek with him this morning (something which he had been repeated for countless times). Jaemin had his eyes on him, so focused that he didn’t even blink, as if he was listening to the most interesting story, and when Jeno finished it, a smile was drawn on the younger’s face, so tender that it tightened his chest.

Jaemin’s figure was bathed under the sunshine filtering through the gap of the leaves and it fell on his smiling face. The brown orbs were staring at him gently and his heart skipped at the way the other’s eyelashes fluttered when he blinked. Jeno lost his words and everything he was willing to give to keep that smile beaming in the most endearing way. Years had passed, so long that they lost count, when they looked at each other, time brought them to travel to the past. They weren’t young kids anymore, exploring rice fields, collecting bugs, running and laughing innocently without any burden of growing up. Many things had changed, they got taller, their voices got deeper, they grew mature, but the way they intertwined their fingers and they gazed into each other’s eyes – time seemed to freeze and everything remained the same. When Jeno looked back, Jaemin was always here beside him, walking side by side, with a smile that never faded.

“Jeno- _ya_ , do you remember when you fell into the stream and lost all your bugs?” Jaemin asked while threading the locks of his black hair. Eyes were on the sparkling water, luminous with the sunlight in front of them, and it evoked some memories in him.

“You _pushed_ me into the stream, in case you don’t remember.” Jeno answered, emphasizing the word “pushed” and Jaemin frowned.

“I didn’t push you, okay.” He sulked, pouting in the cutest way and Jeno’s eyes crinkled, forming a perfect pair of crescent moons.

“I wanted to give those bugs to you though, so it wasn’t my loss? And you felt really guilty about it that you knocked on my window in the middle of the night just to give me your favorite jar of sweets. You said, it was your treasure, _so you gave it to me_.” Jeno’s mind was wandering to some years ago, when the younger knocked in the middle of the night and his baby fat cheeks were pressed against the glass of the window. Jaemin was averting his eyes, trying to find suitable words to apologize. Jeno really didn’t mind at all, so he smiled and ruffled Jaemin’s hair. Somehow, he still remembered the way Jaemin’s lips curved into a perfect smile and in the dim of the light, his eyes seemed to hold the remnants of the starlight, they were shining brighter than the constellation above. He still remembered the way Jaemin jumped to his room, the way he grinned while scratching his head, and how he smelled like a mix of fabric conditioner, sweat, and the fresh air of the night. 

“How can you remember everything?” Jaemin said in a whining tone and it woke Jeno up from his trail of thoughts.

“As cheesy as it might sound, I remember everything about you _and us_.” Jeno blurted out those words and when he realized what he actually said, he tried to hide his embarrassment. Behind the rim of his glasses, Jaemin’s gaze was penetrating into the depth of his soul, diving to somewhere only the younger knew. His fingers were tracing every inch on his face and they lingered for a bit longer, caressing the beauty mark under his right eyes. Because Jeno rarely spoke out what he truly felt, he showed his feelings through his action, it had always been like this since they were kids. And all of sudden, a laugh slipped from Jaemin’s mouth.

“It’s still nice to hear you say something like that once in a while.” Jaemin smiled and leaned down his head before peppering Jeno’s face with kisses.

“Oh my God, Na Jaemin! Go away! Stop liking me already!” He shouted out, trying to avoid the younger’s kisses. But Jaemin already pinned both his hands and left him no room to escape.

“What are you saying? You are the one who _liked_ me first!” His laughs echoed through this tranquillity where the breeze was blowing and the firmament was so blue. Jaemin was like blue, the azure color of the summer sky, it was warm and radiant, suffusing to every joint, every limb, pervading in every part of him. The feeling of burning emitted from his smile to his existence, Jaemin was dazzling, and Jeno had never imagined he would like summer so much that it drove him insane. The madness of the sun burned him (them) for so many times and when years had passed, summer still got him giddy. Lying on the summer grass and he could find many memories, rekindling countless times when they got entangled, and their figures were engraved under the sunlight. A feeling was blooming somewhere along with their oblivious hearts and innocent sentiments. Love made its way to snuggle between the space of their shoulders, where they leaned their heads against each other, and found home in the deepest part of their hearts where the warmth and familiarity engulfed every piece of what they seemed to lose, where they felt emptiness and there was a crevice in between what they tried so hard to deem, and in the jumble of knots of their feelings, weaving the strings to fill the cracks and deciphering every emotion, when their eyes met, a soft whisper was calling; _I will be your home_. 

Jeno met Jaemin when they were too small to remember anything and when their memories were planted one scene to another scene, they were always together, joined at the hip, like two inseparable entities. They had been growing up, side by side, and when Jeno realized, Jaemin had become an existence embedded in his own life. A part of himself he couldn’t live without. Jeno fancied the younger, he adored Jaemin so much that his friends called him ‘ _whipped_ ’. He didn’t know when the seed started to grow, he never knew when the bud started to bloom. And one day, in the summer of their second year of high school, a realization came bludgeoning his heart and every question ran through his mind, overwhelming his sanity and for the first time Jeno doubted his own feeling towards Jaemin (that he let it out and he admitted it to himself).

The sun was blazing down that afternoon and the light crept through the half-closed curtain. Jaemin’s room was full of giggles and laughs resounding to Jeno’s eardrums. The older had his hands tickling the younger’s body, Jaemin was trying so hard to escape, but Jeno gave him no room, locking his body with him on the top of the younger. Jaemin smiled so wide that his cheekbones were shown clearly and his eyes were glistening from too much laughing. Jaemin was annoying (it was an old fact), in the way he whined and endlessly teased the older, even though at the end of the day Jeno always gave in because it was Jaemin after all. Jeno always let the younger do everything as he wished and there was no boundary between them, no restraint because they had known for too long and they understood each other without words.

“But Jeno- _ya_ , you should just admit the truth.” Jaemin talked breathlessly, trying to suppress his laughter.

“About what?” Jeno asked coldly but his eyes smiled, betraying the look on his face.

“You are _clingy._ ” The younger pointed at him using his free hand before continuing his sentence. “You always say you hate skinship but don’t you realize the way you come to me everytime I refuse to go out with you? You crawl on the top of me and cling to me. Or how your fingers never leave mine, or how you always have your arm wrapped around me? You are _clingy_ Lee Jeno and _that’s so cute_.” Jaemin explained in a tone where he both sounded so endearing and annoying. Jeno sneered, rolling his eyes and the younger winked at him. He loosened his grip on Jaemin’s hand and before he could proceed what happened, his vision spun and Jaemin trapped Jeno beneath him.

Jaemin was smiling, it was alluring, and the sunbeam fell on his visage where the halo surrounded his being and blinded Jeno’s eyes. Jaemin was beautiful, he never said it out loud, but Jeno loved every part that was painted on him, every inch of his perfection and imperfection, but for Jeno it didn’t matter because Na Jaemin was beautiful. He was ethereal, carved as the best God’s hand work, a divine beauty that made the heaven slip through their feet. Jeno had the urge to reach out, to trace Jaemin’s face with his fingertips, to let them roam and worship every part of his eminently beauty. As if, he was being enchanted and when the tip of his finger brushed the other’s skin, like a scalding touch – it was burning his senses.

The cicadas were singing and their song filled the sudden quiet room. Jaemin was looking at him in the eyes and there was a tiny gap between his face and the younger’s that Jeno could feel the warm breath tickling to his skin, sending chills down his spine. Time seemed to stop, under the spell of the way Jaemin stared at him, as if casting him a charm to drown in those boundless brown orbs. The younger leaned down his head and it felt like eternity when his soft lips pressed against the corner of his lips, lingering longer, and Jeno could hear the pounding of his own heart (and perhaps Jaemin’s as well). A convoluted feeling tugged inside of him, unearthing itself from the deepest part of what had been buried in the whirlpool of his agony, diving to the surface to find the seashore and standing under the sun nakedly. When Jaemin parted his lips to meet Jeno’s eyes, there were inexplicable storms and unspoken words impending to slip, but their lips were sealed, unable to utter anything. Jaemin opened and closed his lips a few times, trying to form sentences, but everything ended up getting swallowed, he muttered a barely audible _“I’m sorry”_ and when Jaemin’s mom called them for snacks, he just ran out of the room, leaving Jeno flustered lying on the floor with his heart beating so loud as if it was about to explode at any moment.

“Fuck.” Jeno cursed while covering his face. The warm feeling of Jaemin’s lips remained there, heating his face and the pink color bloomed. Jeno still remembered everything, the sound of cicadas, the ticking of the clock, the throbbing feeling inside his heart, the tingly buzz in his stomach, the rapid beat of his heart resounding to his eardrums, the way Jaemin's hands captured his face, and his eyelashes trembled, or how the locks of his hair fell to his forehead, to his sense being filled by the musky odor coming from him, and above all; Jaemin smelled like love and it suffocated him to death.

Jaemin was like summer, he _tasted_ like summer, where Jeno could sense in him the fragrance of the summer grass, the droplet of the dew melded with the ray of the sunlight. The heartwarming yet throbbing feeling inside of him, it hurt at one point, so stuffed against his chest. The feeling that was awoken, coming like a nonexistent storm on a summer day, it overflowed and he was overwhelmed. Jeno was lost, he never knew the feeling of getting trapped in the enormous maze, unable to find a way to get out that he even lost himself. His heart was aching, desperately trying to find a place to lean on, to come back, and Jaemin was the only _name_ flashing through his mind. He was desperate, confused with his own feelings to figure out everything, pondering over what was right and true beating from his heart down to his soul.

“Are you okay?” Renjun called him and Jeno snapped himself from his daydreaming. Almost two weeks had passed and he was living in the turbulence of his own emotions. Jaemin acted the same, they behaved the same as if that _so called kiss_ never happened, but when their eyes met, they could see the anguish and longing swimming in the depth of their oceans. That the door hidden under the sparkling galaxies distinguished in uncertainties and agonies was being opened and he got lost with so many colors radiating in the darkness.

"Renjun- _ah_?” Jeno called the other and Renjun titled his head, reassuring Jeno to continue with what he was about to say.

"Have you ever fallen in love?" That question caught Renjun a little. He sighed and a smile escaped from his lips.

“Is it about you and Jaemin?” Jeno wanted to deny, but before he could say anything, Renjun uttered another words; “I, no, Donghyuck and I keep wondering honestly when will you two realize your own feelings.”

"I probably realized it at some point a long time ago, doubting then burying everything. Acting like what I or we have is no more than platonic feeling.” Jeno leaned his body on the wooden bench, his eyes were gazing at the azure firmament, thinking of the past and all he could remember was the way Jaemin always made his heart beat in a different way. 

“Are you afraid?” Renjun asked, closing his eyes, enjoying the breeze of the summer. Jeno didn’t reply for a moment, racking his brain for a while, trying to understand what the other meant to say.

"Of what?” He questioned the older and Renjun opened his eyes, staring at him, as if he tried to dig some honesty.

“Your feeling towards him.” Jeno shook his head. He wasn’t afraid of his own feeling, the realization that dawned to him inevitably because no matter how he kept burying that feeling, it was _there_ , blooming in a way where he didn’t even need to nurture it.

“I’m afraid to make him feel like I push him to conclude a decision. Because I’m confused and he’s confused. I don’t know how to talk about this, and perhaps he also doesn’t know _how_ but we both know; _we need to talk._ ” There were so many things better left unsaid or untouched and Jeno knew there were so many times where Jaemin and he compromised each other. How they stepped backward and also how they let everything lay bare in front of one another.

“For you, Jaemin comes first, and for him, you come first. I think both of you are waiting until one of you is willing to step forward first.” It was the truth Jeno was aware because he knew Jaemin so well just by looking at his eyes. Perhaps, they were able to find answers, diving into each other’s eyes and they would know what was the best for _them_.

“Or what if our feeling is not the same?” Renjun rolled his eyes, throwing him a judging look.

“I was about to praise you and here came your stupid words. You are never aware, but the way you guys look into each other’s eyes, it’s as if you find the lost stars from the whole universe. It’s so painful and disgusting to see, but yeah, that’s not my words only, okay? _Everyone says the same thing_ , if you are curious. What I’m trying to say is, _we can see it_ , you should also be aware of that at least.” Renjun said in a mocking way, blaming Jeno for making him say something so sappy.

"Somehow, I always believe that we were born for each other.” Jeno remembered when they were in elementary school, their teacher told them to draw home, to draw their families, and Jeno drew Jaemin beside his parents and sister. When his teacher asked him why he drew Jaemin there, he still remembered the way he innocently answered; _because I couldn’t imagine living without him._ And it was the truth his younger self was able to figure out.

“Have you ever heard about _zhiji_? It’s an old Chinese term, it means something like _the one who knows you_ , a true friend, confidant, _soulmate_? But it carries more intimate meaning, the reflection of your soul, of your _self_ , and it passes the meaning of any romantic relationship. My grandma always tells me this story even until now and honestly, it is so bullshit. Yet, when I see you and Jaemin, that word suddenly rushes to my mind.”

Getting lost in life, wandering to where fate lay ahead, thinking of the past and the future, meeting the familiar figure to complete the missing piece. Jaemin was his home, a place to come back after a long journey. Jaemin was his home to accompany his boat to sail in the quest to nowhere, where everything became so blurry in his memories, Jaemin was here as a part of himself. Where his soul yearned and an ode was sung along. They were written as a half to become whole in every lifetime where they existed and sought for each other. In a lifelong promise to define what they had, when they became muddle-head and astray, the red string threaded over their bodies, they already belonged to each other even when the answer was _still_ buried under the lives they couldn’t remember. But their eyes knew, their hearts recognized, by the touch alone, by the sheer of reality, by the way their breaths hitched when their skins met, and at the very first time their eyes collided, when time didn’t let them remember, and the whole world stopped rotating, they knew just like two puzzle pieces completed each other, their souls reconnected and embraced one another.

Under the scorching sun and blistering heat, Jeno matched his step with the other. They didn’t exchange words, but their eyes met lingering for a bit longer, the silence engulfed their figures and the small distance between their shoulders. Their fingers _almost_ touched, slightly brushing each other’s skin, and it jolted Jeno a little. He took a deep breath before reaching Jaemin’s hand and intertwining their fingers. There was a surprised expression on the younger’s face that only lasted for a while before his lips curved into a perfect smile, it was alluring. 

“You are clingy.” He said and Jeno looked at him in the eyes, holding him captive.

“If it’s with you, I don’t mind at all.”

It had been months when Jeno blinked his eyes, summer was long gone. The chill that winter brought seeping into his bones where the coldness froze him, but the figure lay down on his lap keeping everything warm even when summer had gone. The _talk_ was not yet to come and behind the silence of what they chose not to convey, they understood the sentiment of the words that was so close to slip from the tip of their mouths. Somewhere along with their obvious feeling and stolen kisses, the warmth from those long hugs where their bodies pressed until there was no gap in between, they nuzzled their love, building home to shelter when the rain pattered and they didn’t want to get drenched. When the ground got murky and they were too afraid to fall. They found home under the sunlight basked in the morning glow to the moon hung in the sea of stars. They found comfort and the safest place to rest when the storm almost blew every rationality. They became vulnerable and there were _those arms_ holding them close, cradling tenderly in the sunbeams of that embrace, _and they found home._

"Let's talk.” Jaemin fiddled his phone, looking up his vision to meet him.

“About what?” Jeno asked, abandoning the book in his hand.

"About _us_." And the younger got up, his eyes were crystal clear and they never left him, as if he was searching for a tiny piece of uncertainties, of agonies, so he could stop and turn away. Jeno didn’t answer, observing Jaemin’s angular face where his baby fat cheeks had long disappeared and he looked leaner, manlier, and more handsome, but there was something beaming in the way he smiled that it made him feel warm and content. He realized how both of them had grown up, how they had changed, and finally it was the right time to have a heart to heart talk over their _obvious_ feelings. The moonlight dappled on Jaemin’s visage that Jeno reached out his hand to trace every part of its ethereality.

“You are beautiful.” Jeno mumbled, loud and clear enough for the other to hear and a smile was painted on Jaemin’s lips, so bright and wide, and it was radiating the cold and sombre night.

“You are more beautiful though.” Jaemin said playfully, touching the mole under his right eye, caressing the same place for a bit longer until a smile creased his eyes. The younger leaned down his head, kissing the same place where the warmth of his fingertips still lingered and Jeno caught his cheeks, let their foreheads touch, and their breaths mingled into one.

“With you, everything in this world becomes dazzling. Jeno- _ya_ , I love you.” The soft whisper gently stroked his skin and Jeno brought the other closer, feeling euphoric as if he was flying on the cloud nine. Their gazes met and Jeno saw the glistening stars in Jaemin's eyes sparkling brightly and it made blood rush to his system where his body heated up and he was delirious. He captured the younger's lips and every emotion burst, roaming to where their skins touched, every sentiment suffused to the deepest of their hearts, their souls, pervading warmth and certainty for this lifetime. 

The world never stopped revolving, in the vast of the Milky Way where Jeno gazed upon the universe, there were so many stars interlacing the lights to etch _Jaemin_ into his mind, into his heart, into his soul. And their words lingered where they pondered upon what fate lay ahead. Their feeling waxed and waned yet never once it yielded through every storm that came along, when everything wilted and disappeared and they were ensnared by the sentiment that bound the beginning and the ending. 

Time was drifting away in the pages of these memories, Jeno couldn’t find (let alone imagine) where Jaemin didn’t exist. And even in dreams, where every memory scattered around, Jeno would always find his way back to the other, his other half. As if, everything was engraved disorderly yet beautifully, imbuing the hearts and they couldn’t see themselves not craving for this aching feeling. Getting their chests suffocated and their minds muddled that they asked the starry night to where their hearts went when one of them faded. Staring at the endless constellation hung in the cold firmament, Jeno was afraid to let go, afraid the radiance wouldn’t be enough to keep them from shivering. 

When their feeling became clear and Jaemin’s presence was engraved deep within his soul that everything was over-brimming profusely and Jeno slowly traced Jaemin’s fingers to fill the gap of emptiness. In where home found its way to cradle their hearts and pined eternity to build foreverness. It deluded himself, thinking that they were one in two where Jeno became Jaemin and Jaemin became Jeno. Like ripping a part of him that left with Jaemin and a part of Jaemin that remained in him. Lifting every possibility that they were made as one entity.

Like a flash of kaleidoscope and everything melted where the memories searched for their existences, mingling into one from two. When Jeno looked back once again, they had been together, unravelling every secret, and happiness surged like a never-ending wave in the lucid sea, rippling the boat to sail where the beacon soared to somewhere where their vestige existed. An ode was sung along the way, echoing to the boundless world where they were living.

Jeno liked summer too much one time when he saw Jaemin and the blue color that was painted on the vast firmament. It got him giddy that he was afraid of fainting. The sunburn stung on his skin, ran down to his veins, and ignited the flame in his heart. Jaemin’s figure felt like a mirage created from the heat of summer, an illusion that was too real to be true, but Jaemin was his reality, a dream came true, an answered prayer he was longing to grasp. Every question seemed to burst when their limbs entangled, their fingers intertwined, and their lips met, caressing tenderly as if they were scared to break each other. 

In the sunbeams of Jaemin’s embrace, Jeno found home where the light beaconed and he was draped in warmth, giving a crude answer about their existences. And then Jaemin’s figure followed as the sun went by when the seasons changed and he was illuminating Jeno’s whole universe. Jaemin was his sun, the radiant shone every despair, every hopelessness, because Jaemin was his home. A place to come back when it was the right time to be apart, when the flowers withered and the stars collided and the mountains combusted, when the coldness trapped him and he was shivering, when the fire burned him until he turned into dust, when he didn’t exist and became nothingness. Walking down on the yellow spring, their fate would never cease, in every lifetime they were destined to meet, when they fondly said hello and bid goodbye, Jeno found his home in Jaemin.

**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> i know this is the most cliche trope for nomin fic (especially this is such an ugly and nonsense fic) but i hope someone will enjoy this fic :') english is not my first language so i know how bad my english is (pls point out my mistake and give me feedback, it will make me really happy). you know im not really a believer of love or any romantic relationship irl and i know this story is so dreamy to be true :') but yeah that's the use of fiction right? making impossible thing becomes possible :)))) and you can tell how much i adore jaemin from the whole paragraphs HAHAHAHAHHAHA
> 
> anw about zhiji, if you watch the untamed or winter begonia / read chinese webnovels, this is such an iconic term. but if you dont and you are curious [pls check this post.](https://hunxi-guilai.tumblr.com/post/612161034673946624/all-right-guys-lets-have-a-conversation-about) it's really a beautiful term ;;
> 
> you can hit me up on [twitter](https://twitter.com/gnanugu)


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